Ghostly Fears
by Celeste Belle
Summary: Spike has trouble dealing with being a ghost. Angel makes a promise.


Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns everything.

A/N: I recently had this idea and ran with it. Just a short story of a "should have happened."

Ghostly Fears

I was startled when Spike showed up at Wolfram & Hart as a ghost. Though he still talked big, he walked around with his arms crossed as though to protect himself, and his swagger was gone. I couldn't stop myself from lashing out. Spike and I had a history of antagonizing each other, and old habits die hard. Every time the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back, because I could see that he was afraid, but I couldn't admit that I was wrong, so I covered it up with arrogance and a front of loathing. I lashed out at Spike, even though I knew I should protect him.

He had saved the world, had given his life to protect Buffy. I should at least offer him some respect, but every time I opened my mouth, something else came out. I tried to rationalize it. Spike wouldn't want or accept words of comfort from me, so I was just giving him what he was used to from me in an effort to make him feel safer. But that was a lie. Even with the soul, there was still a part of me that wanted to hurt Spike.

As a vampire without a soul, he'd been better than I am with it, willing to do good even though it went against his nature, because he had the ability to love. And now, seeing him with a soul made me jealous. The prophecy must be for him, because he'd always been a better man than me. But I couldn't tell him that.

I walked into my office in the early morning hours, unable to sleep because of the thoughts that consumed me. I was startled from my musings by the soft sound of sobbing. I knew immediately who it was, though it had been many years since I'd heard it. Spike hadn't cried in front of me in a long time, with good reason. Deep within my being, a dark part of me wanted his tears, his fears, but I pushed it down. It was time to be the sire Spike needed. We both had souls now, and different priorities. It was time to change myself and my actions, just a little.

"Spike?" I moved quietly into the room.

He was sitting on the couch, trying to stifle his sobs. He jumped up when I called his name, and I could see he was going to make a break for it. I would not be able to stop him if he chose to leave through one of the walls.

"Spike, please wait. I'm not here to hurt you."

He raised a tearful ghostly face. "Right. Like I believe you're not gonna make fun of me."

He gathered his duster to him, and crossed his arms, holding his elbows. That was Spike's vulnerable position. He normally carried himself proudly, with an annoying swagger – his "Big Bad" persona. I hadn't seen him carry himself like this in…more years than a human life…but I had seen it. I'd once been the cause of it.

"I won't, Spike." I sat on the couch, trying to make myself less intimidating. "I promise. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

He scowled, and opened his mouth to no doubt deny any such thing. "Don't lie, Spike. I know you and Fred are keeping a secret." He shut his mouth and turned his head away. "Please, come here, childe. I won't hurt you." I lowered my voice, placing a little command into the soothing tone. I had to tread lightly. Too much comfort, and Spike would leave. Too much command, and he would lash out.

He raised his face, meeting my eyes. I didn't move, allowing him to gauge my honesty. After so many years together, we could read each other very well. Finally, he moved cautiously to the couch. A part of my heart hurt knowing that I had instilled such distrust in him. He sat on the edge, ready to bolt at any moment.

"What's wrong, Spike?" I ignored his tense shoulders, and addressed the issue.

He took a long moment to answer, but I waited patiently.

"I'm dead."

I blinked, having not expected that answer. "Well, yes…" I hesitated.

"I mean, I'm really dead. I was dead before, but I wasn't. This time, it's for real. I died."

I nodded. I was almost afraid to ask. "But you're still here. What's different?"

"I died, Angel. And now I'm back as some ghosty-thing, and…"

"And what, Spike?" I kept my voice gentle, but my patience had worn thin, as it always had with Spike.

"There's a thing trying to suck me into Hell. When I…disappear, that's where I go."

"To Hell?"

He nodded, turning sad and frightened eyes to me.

"Oh, Spike."

I had never been known for my caring nature, but having spent time there myself, I could sympathize with his fear. Moving closer cautiously, I placed a hand near his leg, frustrated, not for the first time, that I couldn't make contact with him, though this time for a different reason.

"Is Fred working on how to make you corporeal again?"

"Yeah." He leaned slightly into my touch, and his leg ghosted through my hand. I didn't move it.

"We'll help her. We'll put all our resources together and work until we fix this."

"Really? Why would you help me?"

The distrust in his eyes was earned. I sighed.

"Because even though we don't always like each other," I paused when he snorted, but ignored him. "We're still…family. We're all the other has."

"You have your little crime-fighting group," he pointed out.

I almost laughed. Spike couldn't resist arguing with me.

"But they…" I paused a long moment. "They are mortal, Spike. You and me, we've been together a long time, and long after…everyone…is gone, we'll still be here. I'll still be here…"I trailed off, knowing I was entering forbidden territory.

He leaned closer to me, and I held still, allowing him to rest his head in the air near my shoulder. I knew Spike needed comfort, but I had never been willing to give it before. Somehow, I saw him differently, looking back on how he'd taken care of my childe when I had left her, knowing how he had given his life for Buffy.

He stood abruptly, pulling his duster around him again. "What if you can't?"

I stood, and walked in front of him. "We will."

He shuddered, the look of fear that had been absent for a few moments returned, and then he vanished.

"We will." I repeated my promise to the air.


End file.
